Inner Bully, Inner Critic, Monsters, The Shadow.
Call it what you will, there is a nasty voice inside your head that holds you back. Sometimes there’s more than one.
No, not the voices telling you to kill all humans.
The ones that keep telling you you’re not X* enough. {Substitute X for good, pretty, thin, rich, smart, funny, buff, tall, petite etc)
For years mine told me that I was fat, ugly, worthless and above all - unlovable.
Seriously. Un. Love. Able.
I was nearly “16 and never been kissed” while all around me friends were dating, flirting and falling in love.
The first person I ever fell in love with didn’t reciprocate.
Between 16 and 20, I could count the number of people I’d kissed on one hand. My best friend ran away. A boyfriend cheated on me.
All this was “evidence” that I was so flawed no one would ever want to be with me. Because my Inner Bullies are excellent at gathering evidence. They’ve honed it down to a fine art.
Every single gram of weight gain was proof of my fat failure. Every scorned love, another notch in the bedpost of unworthiness.
But guess what? I’ve finally figured it out.
Their evidence is false and their reasoning faulty which makes them a bunch of liars.
Here’s why.
As we evolved, our primal ancestors relied on the compliance of the group. Tribal leaders needed the collective to obey and cooperate in order to survive. Rejection and alienation from the group was pretty much a death sentence. Literally.
So our brains are hard wired for social approval.
This results in us being incredibly wary of risk taking - particularly if it involves potential social rejection or perceived humiliation.
So your Inner Bully will make up all kinds of stories to keep you safe because it’s terrified. Every shred of emotion and data gets fed into the story to “prove” it’s factuality, when in actual fact, it’s fiction! Fear fiction.
Ergo - your Inner Bully keeps you safe, but they also keep you stuck and small.
And really, that’s just not a life. Sometimes you need to take risks. Hell, sometimes you really want to. But you probably won’t if you keep listening to that bitchy voice.
I was discussing these very concepts with a friend recently and shared one of my favourite Inner Bully analogies from Tara Mohr.
She brilliantly describes the Inner Bully as “the security guard at the edge of your comfort zone”
As my friend and I were reflecting on this, we discussed how we needed a way to get out of the “safe-stuck-and-small” comfort zone.
And my very clever, wise, insightful friend said “We need to show the security guard that we’ve got permission to get out. We need an Access All Areas pass”.
Cue laughter and high fiving!
Yes, yes we do. We all need an Access All Areas pass for those times you want to bust out of your comfort zone.
Aaaaand here it is!
Click through for a printable image
Now your Inner Bully doesn’t get to tell you how to live your life anymore. Flash your AAA pass and go live your life of awesomeness comrade!
Do you have a friend who has big dreams but is held back by their Inner Bully? Share this Access All Areas pass with them and set them free too.
Top Photo by ~Sun-kissed-soul
Babe, loved, loved, loved this post!!! Thanks for the AAA card totally need it for this weekend as I am doing some super duper important work for my future with this amazingly inspirational friend of mine!!!! *coughyoucough* Time to give myself permission to shine! xxx
Hahaha! Yay yay yay. Can’t wait my darling. I’ll bring my sunglasses
You’re a boss babe x
YOU are
x
Having the pass is awesome, it’s using the pass that takes the mental work. Lol. I go in waves where I push that security guard down with confidence and other times I go back to the bully relationship. How do you stay confident in yourself in a world of “prettier” and “thinner” and “more successful”?
Honey, you stay confident by dropping comparison. Comparison is how your security guard tries to keep you stuck and small. Make no mistake, the Inner Bullies are crafty. But you get to outsmart them by saying NO! to comparison, flashing your AAA pass and barging on through.
There will always be someone who is pretteir, thinner and more successful than you. Just like there will always be people who are “uglier”, “fatter” and “less successful”. What matters is that you are unique and wholly worthy. Without you, there would be an Erika shaped hole in the world and we’d all miss you greatly.
Big hugs! x